Stress affects individuals causing dysfunctional behaviours as well as many sorts of emotional and physical symptoms. Stress also affects couples in similar ways. The manifestations of stress can be more difficult to identify for couples relative to individuals. This is because in couples those manifestations are often wrongly attributed to external causes. Often couples cannot identify the real sources of stress and they look around them seeking for motives for their inner and increasing discomfort. Usually not looking inside themselves and their own inner circumstances.
I am a function of my circumstances.
So the stressing circumstances you are living may shape your own life and your relationship as well, and many times you may not notice what is really going on.
The purpose of this note is to help you identify symptoms of stress that may be affecting your relationship.
There are issues that can act as triggers for stress in couples: financial difficulties, work related tensions, the in-laws, interpersonal tensions are common ones. Sometimes one brings stress to the relationship, and sometimes both bring stress to the relationship.These issues result in higher anxiety which can manifest physically and emotionally. There are differences on how each one and how much each manifests the effects of stress.
It could be a combination of irritability, attention and-or concentration difficulties, memory loss, mood swings, insomnia, nightmares, palpitations, muscular tension (facial, neck, hands are frequent), muscular pains, sweating, digestive distress, bager rage, just to mention just some of the many possible stress symptoms.
The combination of the new problems and symptoms could lead to physical distance between the couple, reduce sexual encounters, libido diminishing, and loss of passion. The different kind of symptoms are really often confused as coming from physical causes and not coming from psychological stress produced symptoms. Of course at this point communication is not working and it is even avoided.
When this tension arises each of them may wonder if the relationship can get back to normal. How to get out from this problems? Which is the best approach?
Some couples give up and the relationship ends. Others may identify the sources of stress, and notice that changes in their life style can have an effect in reducing dysfunctional behaviours. One alternative to determine whether stress is the cause of the couples dysfunctions is to rely on professional clinical counsellors. These professionals often help you know yourself and your partner better, and therefore you become better prepared to identify if stress is the reason for your problems.
In any case, with or without a counsellor, remember how your original relationship was like, discuss what has changed in your lives, try the best you can to keep patterns of open communication, and see if failures in communication is a part of the dysfunctional behaviour.
The main message I want to give you is seek to know your couple as much as you seek to know yourself, and keep a critical mindset to assess the health of your relationship.
Until next time!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Resolving difficulties in committed relationships through communication
A committed relationship can be fulfilling!
Certainly we all need to have a good and stable relation with our significant other. With time successful relationships contribute to a sense of fulfillment and happiness.
Relationships are very important for us to reach and maintain our emotional inner balance, and ultimately to enjoy living. However, couples have tensions and difficulties and often these are not easy to solve.
Today let me focus on a few points that although simple can help you to find a constructive way to navigate through these tensions by establishing a healthy communication.
When two people live together there are situations that are hard to cope with and may lead to superficial or deeper issues. Superficial issues by definition are those that may be fixed in an easy way, especially when there is good verbal and emotional communication. The key is to be willing to communicate and to do it in a successful manner. When communication works effectively, couples have in their hands an important tool to find solutions by themselves.
When deeper conflicts arise, even if couples are willing to communicate, the difficulty of the issue prevents them from finding an effective communication. This is because couples cannot find and appropriate way to reach each other in a constructive way. In some cases giving a clear and objective explanation of the issue is difficult due to feelings of shame and even pain. These feelings often make it impossible for them find a good starting point to establish a dialogue and find a solution. When this happens remember these principles:
1. Find HOW to do it. Maybe a symbolic gesture is a good starting point. Remember communication is not only achieved through words.
2. Find the WHEN to talk. Pick a time when both parties have less barriers, are less defensive, and are in a good environment. Often it is better to wait until both have calmed down before addressing the issue.
3. Determine the APPROPRIATE ATTITUDE to express yourself. This can be done by putting yourself in the other person position, and keeping in mind the other feelings. Be constructive, not authoritative, choose your words carefully.
4. Find when is your partner in a PROPER MOOD to listen to you.
These principles seem easy but some times are difficult to apply. They can help you start a conversation about painful issues, establish the proper way to talk, the proper self-attitude to produce a good reaction, all this to avoid been rejected.
If you find that following these principles is not enough to establish a good communication, then it may be useful to find a competent third party that can help. Often a couple of sessions of counselling are be really helpful. When you are in the middle of the tsunami you may need assistance. Be aware on time that the boat is sinking. The counsellor will act as a houselight for you and your couple. It is good to get assistance when you may still swim and possibly be able to save your relationship, instead of waiting for the situation to be so far along that you may not be able to find an appropriate way for a resolution.
Certainly we all need to have a good and stable relation with our significant other. With time successful relationships contribute to a sense of fulfillment and happiness.
Relationships are very important for us to reach and maintain our emotional inner balance, and ultimately to enjoy living. However, couples have tensions and difficulties and often these are not easy to solve.
Today let me focus on a few points that although simple can help you to find a constructive way to navigate through these tensions by establishing a healthy communication.
When two people live together there are situations that are hard to cope with and may lead to superficial or deeper issues. Superficial issues by definition are those that may be fixed in an easy way, especially when there is good verbal and emotional communication. The key is to be willing to communicate and to do it in a successful manner. When communication works effectively, couples have in their hands an important tool to find solutions by themselves.
When deeper conflicts arise, even if couples are willing to communicate, the difficulty of the issue prevents them from finding an effective communication. This is because couples cannot find and appropriate way to reach each other in a constructive way. In some cases giving a clear and objective explanation of the issue is difficult due to feelings of shame and even pain. These feelings often make it impossible for them find a good starting point to establish a dialogue and find a solution. When this happens remember these principles:
1. Find HOW to do it. Maybe a symbolic gesture is a good starting point. Remember communication is not only achieved through words.
2. Find the WHEN to talk. Pick a time when both parties have less barriers, are less defensive, and are in a good environment. Often it is better to wait until both have calmed down before addressing the issue.
3. Determine the APPROPRIATE ATTITUDE to express yourself. This can be done by putting yourself in the other person position, and keeping in mind the other feelings. Be constructive, not authoritative, choose your words carefully.
4. Find when is your partner in a PROPER MOOD to listen to you.
These principles seem easy but some times are difficult to apply. They can help you start a conversation about painful issues, establish the proper way to talk, the proper self-attitude to produce a good reaction, all this to avoid been rejected.
If you find that following these principles is not enough to establish a good communication, then it may be useful to find a competent third party that can help. Often a couple of sessions of counselling are be really helpful. When you are in the middle of the tsunami you may need assistance. Be aware on time that the boat is sinking. The counsellor will act as a houselight for you and your couple. It is good to get assistance when you may still swim and possibly be able to save your relationship, instead of waiting for the situation to be so far along that you may not be able to find an appropriate way for a resolution.
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