Resolving difficulties in committed relationships through communication

A committed relationship can be fulfilling!

Certainly we all need to have a good and stable relation with our significant other. With time successful relationships contribute to a sense of fulfillment and happiness.

Relationships are very important for us to reach and maintain our emotional inner balance, and ultimately to enjoy living. However, couples have tensions and difficulties and often these are not easy to solve.
Today let me focus on a few points that although simple can help you to find a constructive way to navigate through these tensions by establishing a healthy communication.

When two people live together there are situations that are hard to cope with and may lead to superficial or deeper issues. Superficial issues by definition are those that may be fixed in an easy way, especially when there is good verbal and emotional communication. The key is to be willing to communicate and to do it in a successful manner. When communication works effectively, couples have in their hands an important tool to find solutions by themselves.

When deeper conflicts arise, even if couples are willing to communicate, the difficulty of the issue prevents them from finding an effective communication. This is because couples cannot find and appropriate way to reach each other in a constructive way. In some cases giving a clear and objective explanation of the issue is difficult due to feelings of shame and even pain. These feelings often make it impossible for them find a good starting point to establish a dialogue and find a solution. When this happens remember these principles:

1. Find HOW to do it. Maybe a symbolic gesture is a good starting point. Remember communication is not only achieved through words.

2. Find the WHEN to talk. Pick a time when both parties have less barriers, are less defensive, and are in a good environment. Often it is better to wait until both have calmed down before addressing the issue.

3. Determine the APPROPRIATE ATTITUDE to express yourself. This can be done by putting yourself in the other person position, and keeping in mind the other feelings. Be constructive, not authoritative, choose your words carefully.

4. Find when is your partner in a PROPER MOOD to listen to you.
These principles seem easy but some times are difficult to apply. They can help you start a conversation about painful issues, establish the proper way to talk, the proper self-attitude to produce a good reaction, all this to avoid been rejected.

If you find that following these principles is not enough to establish a good communication, then it may be useful to find a competent third party that can help. Often a couple of sessions of counselling are be really helpful. When you are in the middle of the tsunami you may need assistance. Be aware on time that the boat is sinking. The counsellor will act as a houselight for you and your couple. It is good to get assistance when you may still swim and possibly be able to save your relationship, instead of waiting for the situation to be so far along that you may not be able to find an appropriate way for a resolution.